Dear '10,
I gotta say, you were pretty shitty to me. I threatened you to 'better be good'. I think i just jinxed you. Maybe i should apologize, but really I don't have the will to, or I'm too bitter. 4:08 am, 1.1.11 and I'm still awake. Maybe you're right, nothing will change, even though everything has. I didn't quite enjoy you, as 29 never existed. It was forgotten like a bloody pab in a trash. Twenty--twen-ty-teee...niiiine. Sigh. I like the sound of that. It sounds carefree and lighthearted, no strings attached. Thirty just sounds complicated and heavy with things that should've been done. Accomplished. Yet, not. If anyone asked me to round this year down to one word, it would be: Independence. As it is definitely what I've been forced to learn to do. I'm alone at life in some ways. I have to figure things out. I think I will. But just wanna say, it's about damn time, i guess.
I'm still alive and well, though, so yeah, I just keep telling myself how ungrateful i am and that it could've been worse. Sorry on that part.
Thanks anyway, '10. I'll try again.
Dear '11,
Hi. Umm.... yeah. *hand on chin biting pinky*
I just ask for one thing from you: To become what I always intended to be and what I am in my brain.
Just that. For now. Idk what else to say. Please have mercy over me. And a little warning, I can be a bit dramatic. I apologize in advance. Just please...please...let. me. be.
Sincerely still trying to figure things out,
LadyN
P.S. Sad how while sitting on the couch watching Snookie on Time Square's stupid new year's show, attempting to take one damn good passable pic of myself on my phone that just wouldn't work, I found myself looking forward to one thing I can carry into the new year, the one thing i have: Writing. Wish it was more. But...*shrug*...I'll take it.
Here's what triggers my emotionalness this very second because it just seems to fit. Cheers.
2 comments:
*Bleeping with leftover New Year's horns and throwing soggy confetti*
2011 baby!
In those 25-29 we are so hard, hard, hard on ourselves. Comparing us to others mercilessly and always coming up short; not ambitious enough, pretty enough, popular enough...yet never adjusting the the teenage goals of EVERYTHING RIGHT THIS MINUTE OR I MIGHT JUST DIE!
Something starts to give around where you are heading and it might just be a gentler, funnier place. I mean, who are you to say who you should and should not be? You are plenty as is. Explore it.
Stop fighting the river. Swimming against it is tiresome and useless. Just dive in and let the river take you to where it is you need to go.
I promise, you're already who you need to be.
Love ya. Happy birthday.
Gosh, you have no idea what this made me see. I woke up thinking about your comment and it made me feel super different. Thanks so much. You're right. I'mma chillout and dive in. I'm an idiot.
Post a Comment