This week is so bad I've actually been tempted to make a list about all the shitty things that are bothering me right now just to keep them organized in my head and not have to stop and think "Wait, why am I worried again? Oh, yeah...that or is it that. It might be a combo of both simultaneously." Because there's so much I don't know what to worry about first. It's like I need to prioritize my worries. Does that make sense? Apparently, in my brain it does.
[EDIT]
My list: (you don't have to read if you don't want to. They're just long rants)
• Work - The asshole of my boss is VERY sneaky. He helped with the firing of my old boss by going behind his back into secret meetings about his skill level and printing out projects that he had done to prove his lack of skill to the directors. The guy was fired. Now this guy got the promotion. All of a sudden he knows more then me when it comes to design just because he's the "Senior" designer now. He was hired the same week I was. He nit picks my work like a woman on a diet with her food...better yet...a toddler with his/her food. LITERALLY nit picks by the PIXELS. Yes, i said pixels. Telling me to move something to the right a pixel. What's a pixel you ask? This ---> . <--- When he's finally done harassing me awkwardly and moving shit around and fuckign up my whole design, he tells me to send it off to be approved. Once I do, he calls me asking why i sent the comp the way i did. That it, apperently, looked "off". No, it's your monitor. I assure him. He's STILL skeptical. And this whole situation is just this week. I don't even wanna mention other fucked up situations like taking my designs and makign them his own and calling it his. NOT even gonna go there. So my worry is he'll have me fired too.
• Freelance project - (same night as boss situation) I finished this website that i have been working on since i can't remember but the client emails saying she won't pay me till I fix 'errors' on the site. Beautiful. Perfect. Wonderful.
• Me - I'm a failure. Dealing with the fact that i made errors is bad enough. It's a worry. The length of time it took me to make the damn website is embarrassing and on top of that it doesn't work at the end. My procrastination kills me, yet i can't stop it. Not to mention the insecurities that go with dealing with boss and his 'nit picks'. These worries are deep and go deeper than all worries because they're about me. 3 worries in one.
• Family - My mom was in the hospital for 4 days with pneumonia. She used to have cancer. Just having her be sick and in the hospital is scary. Period. But on top of that finding out the doctors are 'discovering' new mishaps with her health makes it worse. All of a sudden the gland that helps you breathe and swallow food is inflamed and can result in death. Just perfect. Have to pray harder.
My sisters are going haywire and doing stupid things as a result of desperation. Dealing with them is very hard. I have to be a damn psychologist around them and watch my words carefully.
• Church - I do graphic work for them too and the projects pile up. They also hate me because like i said, procrastination is my enemy. They are worse than any client i ever had and for all this being volunteer work and free for my church, they suuuure know how to give me attitudes. So this angers me and i ignore them on purpose till I feel like finishing the work.
Not to mention I'm beginning to distance myself from church and the people and this itself is not helping me. Hence the prayers i already need to be making. It's been a while now and this is just not good. I can't concentrate like i used to and pray like i used to. This all might sound odd but it's a huge part of my life. It's my way of life and it's slipping. I think i'm losing the passion and I'm scared.
• Hot Rastafari guy in post below - Huge drama on facebook! I took Dr. Beiges advice and sent my comment on over. Everything goes well till he comments back saying something about me and my friends being 'groupies', as in his groupies like we're sweating him. So I'm crushed thinking he's a typical self centered asshole and I'm ashamed i even posted a comment. My friends get REALLY pissed and all Friday at work last week I'm fighting with one of them online to NOT COMMENT back to him because I'm still not sure what he meant. I had a deep feeling he would never be an asshole like that cuz i know him. But, of course, she comments. Comments once, then desides her comment isn't rude enough, DELETES it and comments ANOTHER rude post telling him off. I wanted to kill myself from the embarrassment. The other friend doesn't know wtf is going on so she comments after her as well, making this whole dilemma worse! So i'm left to fix it as much as i can! I lighten it up with a humorous comment about the whole thing hoping he won't delete me as a friend.
I get home and show my mom and sisters what happened. They're horrified and ask to see all the comments to read them. My mom figures out what the whole 'groupies' comment means all of a sudden and tells me. "Neri, that's not what he meant! He meant that you girls where all groupies in highschool, as in a group of girls, as in TOGETHER!!!" So i look back at the screen and she's completely right. I'm a fuckign idiot and so are the other girls. THE POOR GUY HAS NO FAULT! We just misunderstood him! So all this and we insulted him for no reason. INSULTED A HOT GUY!!!! Alllllll weekend I was kicking myself and staring at walls re-living everything and wincing. Alll weekend. 24/3. So I wait for his reply on Sunday night (I know his FB schedule and i was dying for him to comment) and sure enough he meant we were 'always together'. I comment back and tried my hardest to make it up to him. But that's it, it's over I'm never gonna marry him. I have completely sent away the only good looking guy I've ever known personally. He mus think i'm the biggest dumbass that ever lived.
Yes, this was a worry. LOL
This and more...
I didn't make it to 10 but I'm tired of typing. Maybe writing it down wasn't such a good idea.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Organizing worries
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19 comments:
Yes. Yes it does. I'm ashamed to say I have done it myself. But in doing that, I also found oddly enough, that writing them down, allowed me to forget about them. It gave me a little freedom. So I encourage you to do it. I'd post mine, but putting them out there in cyber space makes them a little too real if you know what I mean. Off the top of my head with out checking "The List" I count 10.
Great I'm not crazy then...
I know what you mean. Once you say them outloud it's like they belong to your life permanently. Like your giving them attention or the time of day.
And 10? Geesh hun. :-/
I must be a damn complainer.
Oh, is 10 a lot? Hmmm...
Oh I dunno if listing my issues would help me, but maybe it would work for you. So list, let us see.
Well, hun, I guess making a list helps. Then you can start taking things out of the list as you go by. But the problem remains cuz new shit keeps coming to the list...like a vicious circle, you know.
I say go for the list thing and see where you go from there *winks*
There's a saying back home:
"Better a messy paradise, than an organized hell."
Don't over do it.
Go with Nic's advice. balance with Beige's.
I wish I could say something clever.
=/
Ah, yah Nic it is a lot! LOL No, but i might have 10, though. The worst part that caught me was "off the top of you're head." Wow. :-/ So sorry. You should write this post on your blog instead.
I don't think i wanna say them now Krissie Not with +10 up there^. I might sound like a weak complainer LOL
I'll think about it. Maybe I'll edit and add them.
I know Vanny! they never stop adding up! :-/ that's the problem. Hence the +10 situation :-/
ok, Dr. Beige You're prob right. But i have to say a messy paradise doesn't seem like a paradise to me (or a person with OCD). Seeing it messy would add a worry to me! But then what Hell can ever be organized. It's hell! So I totally get it.
LOL SM that was clever enough. thanks love!
the hot guy was one of my worries. ok maybe i should port them. brb.
Hun, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. I hope she gets better. Keep me posted nina.
Regarding to all the bullshits going on at your work...dammit that guy is going to screw everyone on his way up. One thing he is not realizing is that the further you climb, longer is the fall. That jerk will get what he deserves, cuz everything in this life gets back at you. Just do your job the best way you can and try not to get upset by that asshole and not giving him what he wants...a cat fight.
Procastination is a bitch. I am dealing with it too. I wish I could go to a deserted Island...maybe Esme's, lol,...and just stay there scratching my crotch and catching sun, urghhhhhhh. But we have to control this procastination thing cuz it spreads like a fucking virus. I'll do my best to MAKE YOU focus on your work. I need to do that too, damn.
The Razta guy topic. I know it worried you but now you need to give it time, seriously. Let it flow...it will find its own course and get back on track. Destiny will do its job. I am sure we will hear more about you and that guy...I just know it *winks*
I hope all your worries will turn into resolved matters soon. Specially your mom's health. I know she will be better soon :)))
Luv ya, can't wait to HUG u for real!!! REGARDLESS!!! lololol
Ohh I forgot about the Website of the other girl, lol.
Try to focus and fix it fast so you don't have to deal with her no more. Get her to pay you and get going hun.
And as for Church matters, I once felt like you are feeling. And that was when I stoped going to church. I don't miss it cuz church can also be what you have inside you and on your mind. I believe in God and in Jesus, in my own way, in my own beliefs. If you feel you still wanna be part of that church you need to keep going and be part of it. Just remember you can still be a religious person without going to church. At least from my point of view, lol. And church people that keep asking you to do volunteer work for church by working in all the graphics...I think I can say that they are abusing your good will a bit, no? I mean, of course you can make the graphics for church and all....but abusing is another thing. I feel they put a lot of pressure on you and I think sometimes you wanna say no to them, but you just can't, right?
There's wisdom to be found in Beige's words.
A list only works with things you can actually do or control. Like plan your projects and how much time you'll devote to them. It will help with your procrastination.
With things you can't help, you really need to allow yourself to stop worrying. Easier said than done, I know. But making that list of 'things I can do' will help with that to. You'll be busy, so you can't worry...
# Boss Worry
This is just awful, N!If he messes your work up purposely or just to show who's boss, doesn't matter. It is just bad, bad, bad.
The only thing I can come up with is this:
1. Always save a copy of your original design before showing him anything.
2. The day he truly fucks up your work, show your original first to the directors, then show the work with his 'improvements'.
3. Look embarrassed, say X wanted the changes made, you did as asked, but now you feel that MAYBE his version didn't improve the design. What do they think?
4. Let the directors choose.
5. VERY IMPORTANT. If directors choose your original and boss-asshole asks, just lie & play stupid. Say the directors had a few objections, you listened, used your original as it was closer to what they wanted and then you carried out their changes. Director's decision. Period.
Hoping your mom is better.
You girls are EFFING AMAZING!
I want you always in my support group! ALWAYS! REGARDLESSS!
I don't know how you have patients to deal with me and actually take the time to post an advice. I love you all immensely! Thank you!
Just wanted to say that before i went off and replied to all individually cuz there's good stuff in there.
REGARDLESS!!!!!
You're right Erica, worrying is not going t do anything but make me sadder or more disappointed. I really do have to work on not thinking and just doing. Something i've been struggling for like ever. I guess the only good thing about me is i dont give up and my patients is pretty good.
Exactly Van, I can't find myself to say no to church work. I do it for them because it's church for crying out loud. For God's glory. But yes, they do abuse and people see it and my fam sees it. I've learned long ago that just because people are 'christian' they can still be assholes. Period. But like I've been taught, i try not to live with people and just do what i have to do. Besides NONE of this effects my love for God so i guess that's what keeps me going. It's all for him anyway. But it surrreeee is hard to handle sometimes. I'll just do this my way and screw it.
"One thing he is not realizing is that the further you climb, longer is the fall."
Never thought about it that way. THANKS! that makes me feel better LOL I'll just stand back a wait to watch his plunge. LOL
Beige,
1. Always do! heck yeah!
2, 3, 4, 5. I actually did this on Tuesday! I was soo proud of myself! He came to give me changes and i told him, "you know what I'm going to her directly" and he was like okkkaaayyy. and i went and we talked with more clarity and SHOWED her all my other comps which she ended up loving more that what him and I worked on! HAH!
It's like you were there!! LOL!
Thanks!
*doing the wave*
*continues with the wave*
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