Release off chest

Shameless rant and pitty party coming in....3...2...1...

So I feel alone at work. I have no friends. Which is probably my fault but at the same time it isn't. They're all together and having fun and talking it up about stupid stuff. But even if it's stupid stuff I'd like to be apart of it. Even if they are corny and fucktards and just plain...awkward.

There's this one girl who was just like me. Hated the people around her and was just like blah, no way can I ever relate. She used to talk to me. But not anymore. Apparently she's friends with all of them now. Planning parties and being at chirpy chirp. A party I don't even want to go to anymore. What's the point? Everytime I open my mouth to say something they all look at me like I have two heads. My jokes don't work. I get stares. Well some of them work but only some and on specific people not in a whole. I can count them in one hand.

I don't even want to go into other awkward things they've done like ask me if I knew who was rapping in a rap song on the radio. How the fuck am I suppose to know? Do I look like I listen to rap music? Well maybe that's just it. I'm too hispanic. They always did treat me like I have an accent and think like one. They're even astonished I born in the city and raise here. "Oh Really? You are from here? So you don't live in PR half the year?" Ah, NO! WTF?! And not to mention that feelsing liek they're talkign about you behind your back. And you ask me why do you feel that way Neri? Well, cuz i've seen them alll in gossip action. Alll of them. And they're VICIOUS! Like a load of highschool girls. It's insane! I just wish they were all my sisters. Jokes/Conversations would be easier on my self-concieceness (can't even spell the effing word). They always laugh and conversate. I need my audience.

They all went out last friday to a spontanious outing and they're all like ohhh it was a blast and blah blah blah...We all got wasted and bonded and did eachothers hair and toes...blah blah...we're all super buddies now. Let's all laugh at stupid pics we took on our best night ever! *rolls eyes*

Anyway, point is I don't care about the stupid outing. Really. I prob wouldn't have gone anyway but it fucking sucks to walk into work and not talk to anyone, like literally NO ONE, and go home. So I'm sitting here in my desk with this ache in my chest. Like a worry or something...?? And I go and read an old Beige post from her trip to Larchmont and read all the comments. There I am, laughing to myself and just feeling that weird ache just go away for a sec. 

I love you girls. And fuck it. I don't have friend in RL but atleast I have posts to read from women all around the world. Even if this all just lasts a while, thanks.

The ache will come back but at least it went away for just a sec. Again, thanks.

*Takes note: must find RL friends*

*off to go eat a Reese's cup cuz feels like she deserves it* Emotinal eating? Maybe. Screw it.