Work Review

[WARNING-Rant you don't have to read if you don't want to cuz it's long.]

Yesterday I had my first year review at work. They took me out to lunch to this trendy Sandwich shop who so happen to make the BOMB Cuban sandwiches. Focus Neri. But that's not the point. Point is I was waiting for the expected yet at the same time i didn't know what was going to happen because I've never had a work review.

My new boss—who was my coworker for almost 9 months and miraculously became my superior after they fired my other Boss (all happened within 2 weeks)—was to be the reviewer. Rewind—Yes, I said my other boss was fired for lack of skills and for being inappropriate. Inappropriate in meetings, in person and through email by "replying to all" and adding his two cents on how ugly a project looked after we spent a month on it. That inappropriate. I had to teach him how to use Photoshop. Seriously.

So we're at the sandwich shop and he tells me i'm the only one they took out to eat so i should be honored. I told him either honored or worried because he might have taken me there to fire me instead and do it easy. He laughed and said if it was so the whole office would be escorted to the conference room while i packed my stuff. This is an on going inside joke for the whole office since this company has a reputation of firing people left and right and do it just like this. I swear.

He gives me a form and pretends to know what he's doing by reviewing me according to this survey he took about my preformance. I wanted to laugh in his face.

Everything was, to my relief, great. I exceeded everything. Yet, the moment they began to talk about my "Network" issues i knew this was going to get interesting. They told me I was "invisible" and not as "sociable" and "talkative" as they'd like me to be. Basically the rest of the review was based on my personality "issue". So, apprently, going out to lunch with the office everyday, going out to beer, going to happy hour on fridays, participating in Halloween skits in front of the whole company, jumping out from under a desk and dancing infront of a camera with a tiara on your head, wearing matching t-shits to events like preschool toddlers IS crucial to how my work is reviewed. Fuck the quality. Fuck the creativity. I don't socialise enough or make people laugh?...my work MUST suck.

a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

The best part came though, If in all this time i was worried me and Lispy never had anything in common then i was wrong. They tell me Lispy was given the SAME EXACT speech about Networking. He too, apparently, doesn't give a shit and refuses to entertain the cliques and high school foolishness we find in our office. He comes to work, minds his business, does great work and leaves. Plus, he's shy but wtf are you going to do?! It's our personality! If we haven't changed now then we ain't gonna! WHO-THE-FUCK CARES IF WE DON'T CRACK JOKES?!?! SO-THE-FUCK-WHAT IF WE DON'T WANT TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH MOST OF THESE IDIOTS WE HAVE AS COWORKERS?!? OR IF WE'D LIKE TO KEEP OUR PERSONAL LIVES TO OURSELVES?!?! INSTEAD OF SPREADING IT ALL OVER THE OFFICE SO EVERYONE CAN HAVE AN OPINION AND WHO-THE-FUCK-NEEDS TO KNOW WHERE I GO ON VACATION?!?! THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM VACATIONS! TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!

So I told them that at the end of the day the quality of your work should be most important, nothing else. They didn't like this of course.

So I left out of there with a disappointing raise, a full stomach and pissed. Yet, i couldn't help thinking that Lispy and I are connected. Even in the smallest little-ist way.

Fuck Networking. Job search, still on.




I scanned the review if you'd like to see.
See? I broke out of my "shell" a bit. Must have been the tiara.